At the end of last year I briefly mentioned the legal battle I was embroiled in with my late wife’s family. Almost the moment Akiko died, they put their plan in place to rob me of my home, money and anything else they could get their hands on. Needless to say it was an unbelievably stressful experience, but after lies galore and racial slights aplenty, it was finally settled a few of weeks ago. They ended up with the bulk of the money, but mercifully I have a bit left over and the home Akiko and I shared is now in the process of being transferred over to my name.
That money, along with the time devoured by the whole sorry process can never be recovered, plus the stress it involved will no doubt take a while to fully dissipate, but it’s sadly not a wholly unique story, so by putting it out here it might just prevent someone else having to go through a similarly horrible experience.
Akiko’s condition worsened much quicker than expected, and after getting the news of how limited her time was while in hospital, she wrote out in detail her wishes in regards the apartment, her money, the medical bills and her cremation before she came home for hospice care. It was a memo she made sure we all read, and it was something we all solemnly agreed to abide by. On top of that her parents promised on multiple occasions, and always in front of Akiko, to help me with the paperwork to get the apartment put 100% in my name as the mortgage would be cleared by an insurance policy. I was family after all they kept reiterating. Again, always in front of Akiko. So they’d do everything they could. Also, to complete her wishes, we’d split Akiko’s money 50/50 after all the medical bills I was paying had been taken out.
With hindsight I was obviously incredibly naive, but my main concern was Akiko and the dreadfulness of the situation she was facing. We had been together for over 20 years, so I wasn’t like a stranger to them. Quite the opposite in fact. Also, the idea that someone could lie to their dying daughter and plot about money and property as she slowly faded away didn’t even enter my head. How could it have done? That would be an unthinkable act to say the least.
Sadly it should have done, as that’s exactly what they did.
Very soon after Akiko died, they demanded a bigger share of the money as they were ‘family’, and what I’d be left with would just about cover the medical bills and enough to buy a graveyard plot. Akiko had said she wanted a tree burial, but they had argued with her and said that was inappropriate. The plot that I was to buy and financially maintain was for the whole family in the future you see.
And if these revelations weren’t shocking enough, the father declared that he would put the apartment in his name. It was simply less hassle that way he tried to reassure me. “I’m Japanese and you are a foreigner. It’s much easier. But it will still be your property. I’m not trying to cheat you.”
Even through the fog of grief and the awful new reality I was living in, it was crystal clear that they were indeed trying to cheat me, and a call to the bank to ask about the apartment confirmed two things. One was that if there are no children involved, Japanese law gives parents 1/3 of all assets, and the spouse 2/3s. The other was that they had already claimed their 1/3 of the property. The lady at the bank, however, was evasive beyond belief. Despite being the spouse and main heir, she refused to send the documents to me. She would only send them to the parents. A bias and wilful hinderance she persisted with, later resulting in my lawyer and I having to visit her at the bank to get some answers, as on the phone she was very obviously siding with the parents. This was something my lawyer had never experienced before from a supposedly neutral bank, and even face to face she couldn’t even conceal her disdain as she never once looked at me during the 30 minutes or so we were sat there.
Something similar happened with Akiko’s company. We had to go in to fill out all manner of documents, and me being the spouse, the money owed to Akiko and some insurance payments would be sent to me. This they thankfully did correctly, but all the paperwork detailing the amounts and what they were for got sent to the parents. An absolute breach of normal standards, not to mention legal protocol, meaning my lawyer had to chase up copies so we could confirm what payments were, and were not, deemed assets. The explanation for this was an acceptance of wrongdoing, but I was foreign, so they thought they should send them to the Japanese parents.
Similarly, once I got off the phone to the bank lady after that initial call, she immediately contacted the parents to tell them I had been in touch and was asking for the documents. Shortly after that I got a barrage of sickening text messages from the mother. Their act of 20 years was now over, and the mask slipped once and for all:
“Akiko’s memo means nothing. We will fight you all the way.”
“We will get all the cash.”
“You were just using Akiko the whole time to benefit yourself.”
“You are obsessed with the apartment. You are neurotic.”
“You ensnared Akiko and that’s when the nightmare began.”
“You are nothing but a foreign parasite.”
“Akiko told us before she died that she wished you were Japanese. That was Akiko’s true feelings. Remember that.”
And so I hired a lawyer and the legal process began. They flatly refused to abide by Akiko’s memo and badmouthed me constantly, although they did, begrudgingly, admit that yes, Akiko and I had a happy, loving marriage. That didn’t count though, as their greed, jealousy perhaps ‘cos of the relationship we had compared to their own, and without a doubt racist venom trumped everything. Thus they tried every which way they could to extract as much out of me as possible. They even demanded all of Akiko’s possessions. The sister sent a disturbingly detailed list, even including where each item was, so presumably when I was working they had gone through the whole apartment taking notes and photos. I simply didn’t count. Not as Akiko’s husband, not as someone who was also grieving, and in many ways not even as a human being.
The one blessing was their arrogance and prejudiced attitudes. My lawyer is female, so presumably they assumed they could get the better of her, and combined with their tightfistedness they didn’t hire their own legal counsel. It did drag things on, and we had to put up with lies and a constant moving of the goalposts, but after a final threat of court they ultimately agreed on a smaller than they needed to payment for the apartment. That, and 1/3 of the monetary assets. All in all it was way more than Akiko wanted them to have, and similarly more than was morally right, but it mercifully allowed me to settle and have a little bit of money left over rather than having to sell my home in order to pay them off — the latter being a distinct and worrying possibility when this all started and I became fully aware of Japan’s inheritance laws. And needless to say if I had actually trusted them, they would have taken the apartment away from me, as once signed in the father’s name, it would have been legally theirs.
The property still has to be transferred over to my name. Unsurprisingly that is a lot more complicated with me being foreign, but I have a scrivener working through all that. I also found a nice place for Akiko’s tree burial that is near where we used to live and not far at all from where I am (and we were) now. That was important. I was prevented from doing the other things Akiko wished for, but I could at least do that.
These things happen all the time. I realise that. Some people value and crave money over everything. But the racial aspect was a horrible eye opener. Being refused entry to the likes of a restaurant and being treated differently are far from uncommon in Japan, but this was on a whole other level. The family of course are just utterly wretched individuals, but the bank and Akiko’s company present a much wider problem. A problem that has been incredibly disappointing to find out about, and one that it’s important to be aware of. Hence me writing all this out.
So now it’s over, I have to try and slowly move on with my life. The trouble is, while the legal battle is over, the loss of Akiko isn’t anywhere near that stage. Nor, I suspect, will it ever be. I miss her enormously each and every day, but at least she never had to see how truly awfully her parents and sister behaved. I am glad about that at least. It would have broken her heart.
Finally, the end of the legal process has given me a chance to pause and contemplate things a little. I have also booked a summer flight back to Britain for the first time in 3 years, and can now at least begin to think about what I should do going forward. This contemplative element prompted me to choose the old photo above. There was definitely something about the lady looking lost while at the same time resolutely facing the elements in front of her. Also, and much more importantly, Akiko was stood by my side when I took it.
Dale says
Wow, you’ve been through a lot. I hope that your thoughts about Japanese people remain positive, despite this. I know there is a lot of discrimination in Japan, underneath the nice exterior of smiles. I’m Nikkei, born and raised in the USA, I have seen it and felt it, even though I look seem completely Japanese (until I open my mouth).
I’m just glad you got a competent attorney.
Go out and take a bunch of pictures now! That’ll get your mind off this crap!
Lee says
Thanks never so much. And lots of photos will definitely be taken! One of things that without a doubt has helped me get through this.
Yes, there sadly is. It’s become more noticeable these last few years as well. The closed borders really hasn’t been a plus in regards such attitudes. But yeah, I really have to be aware that there are bad people in general, but there are also way more good people.
Dale says
I just reread my comment along with the numerous comments here. There are many wonderful people in Japan. It’s my grandparents homeland. I think there is more tolerance of visitors from outside Japan, than for those who choose to remain and live in Japan.
My late mom’s extended family in Japan has basically disowned our family. I tried to reach out to them to visit in the past (two aunts and my first cousins), and they were rude and wanted nothing to do with me. I felt very bad with this, but what could I do? My late dad’s extended family though, has been very warm and welcoming. Go figure.
Anyway, I remain positive about Japan and its people.
Lee says
Yes, it’s always important not to group all people together. Some people are truly awful, but most people most definitely are not. Sadly those bad moments tend to stick in the mind more, but I for one wouldn’t have stayed here if I didn’t like it or felt wholly unwelcome. I’ve had the pleasure of being able to build a life and business here. That means a lot.
Denise says
My heart goes out to you Lee. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. How do such people live with themselves?
Stay strong and thanks always for the photos. They mean a lot to many people!
Lee says
Thank you very much. Yeah, I’ve asked myself that many times, and I still haven’t found an answers…
And thanks, I will. Nice words like yours really help in that regards.
WP says
Wow. Glad that it turned out – maybe not well – but okay.
Joanna McPherson says
God. That bit about the woman at the bank made me feel quite sick, and the going through your apartment whilst out is absolutely disgusting and frankly violating. I’m so sorry that you weren’t just left in peace after Akiko’s passing – I really hope you now get to grieve without all that other shit on top. They can’t take what you had together away from you, you just need time to put it all into its place. I’m so glad it didn’t drag on for years also, as some legal things seem to, and such relief about your home. Thank you for sharing this important lesson, even though I’m sure you want to move in from it. Whatever you do now be gentle with yourself and know you have a lot of support out here!
Lee says
@WP Thanks a lot. Not well, no, but considering Japanese law, probably about as well as I could have hoped for considering the type of people I was up against.
@Joannna Yeah, those elements were particularly shocking. Both episodes simply beggar belief. And thanks a lot. That’s very good advice. They have the money, but they don’t, and never will have what we shared. There was definitely a cathartic element writing it, but I do hope it can help someone, somewhere. I’m not the first, and I sadly won’t be the last.
I will, and that is very nice to hear. Thank you.
cdilla says
It’s been an awful time for you and an eye opener to a particularly unpleasant human trait, greed.
I have a small family but from five family deaths in the past twenty years I have had negative experiences in three (Father, Aunt, Grandfather) with speculative claims from strangers, lies and threats from relatives, a will going missing, a bizarre codicil being discovered with no providence, and intimidating behaviour.
The willingness to hurt someone already unbearably hurt by the loss in order to garner a financial gain seems unbelievable in a species lauded for its ability to empathise. But that ability is what enables them to select whatever words or actions cause the maximum pain – whether directed at race, status, class, employment, appearance, whatever – just so you will back down and accept defeat, just to make them go away.
It is shocking though, and certainly valuable to have put out there, that such attitudes can be condoned and even facilitated by institutions of power and repute in Japan. Whilst banks and the like in the UK can mire you in red tape, I have never seen or heard of them take sides like that.
Sadly, when it comes to anything of importance what I have learned over the years is two things. Trust no-one and lawyer up.
Now, as Dale said, get outside and do what you do best 🙂
Lee says
Yes, it really does bring out the worst in people. That or it exposes their true character. Either way it is a truly horrible to experience. Very sorry to hear that it’s something you are sadly all too familiar with. But yeah, institutions playing a part is something I did not anticipate when this whole thing started. Disappointing to say the least, but with hindsight perhaps I shouldn’t have been all that shocked…
Cheers. That, I’m happy to say, is something that has not, and will not, change!
Once an Expat in Japan says
Greed is a horrible thing. I have witnessed such in my family and there are now relatives to who I will never ever speak to again. I’m not a very spiritual person, but it does seem what goes around does come back around if that is any comfort. Let your ex-in-laws wallow in what they’ve pried from your late wife’s estate, I have a feeling all of that will become like ashes in the mouth. You are better off rid of them.
As to them injecting race into settling your late wife’s estate, perhaps it was/is a means for them to cope with the loss of their daughter or perhaps, they just never liked you from the get go and kept it well hidden. My own wife is Japanese and I have many friends in Japan (who I’d like to see one more time, but the Japanese government still has its head up its ass and it still keeps the populace frightened over COVID), but that said, despite all the years and years and years of the 国際化 talk in Japan, especially by the government, I believe if one scratches the surface deep enough, one will find still find the 尊皇攘夷(revere the Emperor, expel the barbarians) mentality alive and unfortunately well.
Put all of this aside and carry on for your late wife’s memory. Not doing so only means your ex-in-laws still control the narrative.
Lee says
Thanks ever so much. And yes, it really is. Like you, I and so many other people have seen, it’s far from an uncommon trait as well. But without a doubt I am better off without them. I never have to see or speak to them again for the rest of my life. That is something to be very thankful for.
It was very clearly the latter. They presumably hoped and expected our international marriage would end badly in next to no time, but instead they had to hide their hatred for 20 years. Like you said though, scratch the surface and they are not alone in their attitudes…
And thanks. I definitely will. While the memory will obviously remain, their part in my life is finally now over.
Once an Expat in Japan says
Not to unnecessarily pry, but how does your wife’s passing affect your residency status in Japan? For a number of years, when I lived in Japan, my visa was a spousal visa (I had a Japanese citizen as a dependent), then, during a visit to the local ‘immigration’ office I was told in so many words to stop wasting their time and mine and apply for permanent residency, which was quickly granted.
This permanent residency went ‘poof’ many years ago as I exited Japan without a re-entry permit and have wondered should it ever come to pass (again, to the Japanese government: get your collective head out of your ass and re-open the borders) I return to Japan, would I have to start from square one again? ( I know I am being rhetorical)
Lee says
Thankfully it doesn’t. I have permanent residency, so free to continue living here just as before. Thankfully one thing I don’t have to deal with.
These days you don’t need a re-renty visa, although that said I think you do if you are going to be leaving for an extended period of time. Some things never change. But yeah, I’m pretty sure you’d have to start from scratch…
Richard says
Thank you from me, too, for sharing so many of the very painful elements of the trauma Akiko’s family inflicted on you. It is almost unfathomable how people can lie like that to their dying family member. Sadly, racism is still very common in Japan, as well as many other countries.
Thank goodness you have an attorney who fought hard for you. Hopefully, the remaining details will get finalized without any more conflicts. And that you can then continue your mourning over your lovely wife.
I hope you have many more photos where Akiko was a part of them. And that your trip to England gives you some much needed relief from all of the stress that you have been experiencing. Please be careful, however, because Covid is still a significant threat.
Lee says
Thank you very much. It was definitely helpful writing them down, and hopefully they may help someone else too. And yeah, as for their behaviour, it’s simply incomprehensible how someone could behave that way, as racism aside, it was their daughter they were lying too…
All the necessary documents have now been submitted in regards the apartment, the last step, and my scrivener is looking after it, so thankfully just bureaucracy rather than conflict.
There certainly will be, and thanks. It’ll be good to go back for many reasons. Hopefully the Covid situation will have settled down more by then too.
Alex says
Bloody awful relatives; bastards all of them. You win; they lose whatever shred of decency and self respect they may have had. Clearly they lost their daughter years ago although that may not have concerned them. They are scum.
Would an enquiry into illegal actions taken by the bank employees be worth pursuing? You might be able to get an employ or two fired or reprimanded. Suing the bank and the employees would be the approach. You could also talk to the press.
Lee says
Yes, they really are. I still struggle to comprehend the extent of the venom and greed, and their reasons for it. But how can one ever understand such behaviour…?
I think so. Once the property is in my name I will be contacting the bank. After all that has happened I’m not going to do anything until all the paperwork is complete. A detailed complaint will be my initial approach, and then I’ll see where that goes. I’ve also thought about taking it to the press. I wanted top put it here first. That was important. But seeing the reaction here and on social media has now cemented that idea of having it published. Way more chance of it helping others that way
Dana says
Oh Lee, I just don’t have the words to tell you how sad I am for you and all you have been through. Hopefully you have opened some eyes about what can happen in Japan to a mixed marriage. I had no idea the family could have gotten away with what they did to you against their own daughter’s explicit wishes. I sincerely hope her family has trouble sleeping at night.
Like everyone else has said….Get out and do what you do best.
Once an Expat in Japan says
Unless I have guessed wrong, that our host’s late wife was the only child and that there were no grandchildren to carry on for the future, that our host’s now ex-in laws are facing genealogical extinction, a fate Japanese families go to great lengths to avoid. So, the last laugh is on them.
Lee says
@Dana Thank you very much. That’s very kind of you. And yes, I do hope so. If it helps just one person, it’ll have been worth it. I ultimately couldn’t do anything, but someone in the future now just might.
I sadly think they will haven no problems sleeping. They clearly have no remorse or they wouldn’t have behaved so appallingly. But I did the right thing. That’s all that’s important now.
@Once an Expat in Japan There’s a sister too. One who happily colluded with the parents. But she has no kids either, so yes, the end of that wretched line is thankfully imminent.
yuiny says
I’m so sorry that they put you through such an awful time on top of everything else. It sounds like a real ordeal!
But glad that you made it through that mess, and thank you for sharing this as well as all your amazing photos with us all this time. Hope you’ll have a good break in the UK, Lee.
Lee says
Thank you very much. It really was. Just awful to be honest. Bit it is over now, thank goodness.
Ah, thanks. You are very welcome. Photography and the whole process of it has been such a help through all this. Not going back til mid-July, but just the thought of seeing family again after such a long time is a real boost.
Chip says
So sorry to read your post. My Japanese wife of 20 years passed away 5 years ago and we too had no children. I can relate to your loss and some of the difficulties you faced with your wife’s employer. I was fortunate, however, in that my in-laws were compassionate and helpful. Maybe because my father-in-law lost his wife to the same cancer at about the same age, he and my brother-in-law were able to empathize with me on a deeper level. After nearly 40 years of living in Japan, the vocabulary related to all the legal issues and documents of a death was new to me and overwhelming. I could not have done everything without help from so many people including my own Japanese co-workers, in-laws, and friends who lost family members over the past 40 years. I am glad you were able to find a trusted lawyer to help you out. I wouldn’t even know how to find the right kind of lawyer or know if I could trust them.
Conversely, losing my father to Covid this year brought out the worst of so many family members and neighbors trying to get their hands on the assets he left my mother. I had no idea people I knew all my life could become so dark and greedy.
I hope when I pass, I can just have enough advance notice to dispose of all my assets, and not leave anything behind for anyone to worry over.
As a side note, your photo of the torii at Shirahama Beach brings back lots of memories. Shirahama-kaigan was one of our favorite beaches to visit during the summer and New Year’s holidays. We’d leave Yokohama at night and get there early enough to catch the sunrise and leave around noon before the traffic piled up on Route 135.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope it will be helpful to others should the face similar circumstances.
Lee says
Thank you very much, and I’m so sorry you have suffered a similar loss. Life really isn’t easy, is it? I’m also sorry you saw something similar when your father passed away. You really get to see some people for what they truly are, don’t you? Not a nice experience for sure, but ultimately an important one I think.
I’m glad the photo brought back memories. I hope they were more comforting than painful. And yes, if this helps just one person it’ll have been more than worth it.
June says
Lee:
I am so sorry to hear about all this, and what a tragic lesson to be learned. You would think you and the family could be there to support each other after Akiko’s passing, but apparently they had other ideas all along. Just terrible. May you find comfort in all the cherished moments you had with Akiko, and let’s hope this is indeed the end of all the legal troubles and you can move on. Thank you for continuing to post your wonderful photos, they are always inspiring to me as a (still) amateur photographer.
Lee says
Thanks ever so much, June. Yes, the sudden change was a horrible shock to say the least, but it was clearly a long-planned one which just made it all the worse.
Yes, time now to slowly try and move on, and like you said, hopefully the memories of our time together will becoming comforting as time goes on. And you are very welcome. Photography, as ever, has been a huge help throughout all this.
Peter Durfee says
Lee, I had no idea you were going through any of this until I read the post this morning. So, so sorry to hear about it all. My deepest condolences on your loss of Akiko and I hope you can get her family well clear of your life to give you some time to yourself with your memories of her.
Lee says
Thanks a lot, Peter. That’s very kind of you. Knowing now they are out of my life forever is slowly sinking in, so time to slowly de-stress and begin the process of grieving properly as well as tentatively moving forward.
Yos says
Hi Lee,
My condolences for your loss and the awful experience you had to go through. As a Japanese married to a European spouse, I think there is a lot we can relate to, although we are lucky that my mother and grandmother really do love and care for us. So much so that even though we lived in Tokyo for a while, they were supportive of us moving to the U.K. with the kids, exactly because of the horrendous xenophobic system in place in Japan.
I was just wondering, did you ever contact the British Embassy for help?
In the meantime, have a good time back in the U.K. and hope you have a better support network here to help you with the grieving process.
Lovely photo!
Lee says
Thanks ever so much, Yos. Sorry to hear you felt the need to leave, but I’m also happy to hear you have a warm and supportive family. That bodes very well for the future.
I didn’t, no. Never even thought about it to be honest. But might not have been a bad idea, although not sure what they could have done.
Thanks. Won’t be heading back til mid-July, but really looking forward to it. Thankfully have good friends here too, so that has been a huge help.
Lanka says
Hi Lee,
My condolences for your loss. My heart literally breaks while I was reading your piece.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with such evil individuals. I’m truly hope that everything will end peaceful and in your favor.
Thank you for sharing your experience I wish you well going forward, stay healthy and happy for Akiko.
May her soul rest in peace.
Lee says
Thank you very much. That’s really kind of you, and it’s thankfully now just a matter of getting paperwork checked and approved.
It was good to share it, and thanks again. I appreciate it. Akiko would have too.
Günter says
I am so sorry to read about what you have suffered. You did not deserve that. Please take care of yourself and always remember your photos and words mean a lot to many people.
Lee says
Thank you very much for both the kind and supportive words. Very nice to read and really encouraging.
Ken says
Lee, I cannot add anything to the caring comments that you have already received but I too feel sympathy for your grief and pain. Hopefully you will be able to move on from this horror and just keep your wonderful memories of Akiko. I am due to visit Japan later this year but cannot make any arrangements due to the current “keep the foreigners out, it’s all their fault” mentality of the Japanese government. Your photographs and prose continue to be one of the first things I check when I hit my computer each day.
Lee says
Thanks a lot, Ken. That’s really kind of you, and yes, despite what they did, they can’t take away my memories of life with Akiko.
Got to hope that by then all the current nonsense will be over. The pressure is increasing, so I think things will change. They have to really.
Ah, thank you. That really is good to hear. A real confidence boost.
Philip says
This is absolutely inhumane behavior, but not so rare in japanese families. Almost all of my japanese friends have mentioned some kind of fight, sometimes going up to court, with their siblings when settling their parents inheritance.
Even worse, much worse, if kids are involved. Look that famous “incident” where the parents of the (japanese) dying mother kidnapped the kids back to Japan before her death, leaving the US father grieving alone :
http://crnjapan.net/The_Japan_Childrens_Rights_Network/per-sto.html
The report from the US Consulate in Sapporo is … surprising ! “The kidnapper grandparents are quite nice, and the kidnapped kids look fine, playing Lego”.
Lee says
Yes, sadly not. Since my problems started I’ve heard of so many more. And yeah, when kids are involved things can get really unpleasant and truly messed up. The laws really do need to modernised to reflect the world we now live in. So many lives are being destroyed, and yet nothing seems to change…
Sean says
Oh man I’m so sorry you had to go through all this. How could they do that to their own daughter? Good on you for standing up to them despite the odds. Thanks for all the awesome photos and onwards my man!
Lee says
Thank you very much. That’s the question I’ve asked myself countless times. Never come up with an answer…
Cheers. Felt like I had no choice to be honest. Just had to deal with it. You are very welcome, and yes, onward.
Warren says
Hello Lee,
Incredibly sad to read this. I have followed you quite some years now. Your images contributed a grain to a rice bowl of ideas I had cooking about relocating with Japanese wife, doing more photography whilst exploring Japan by motorcycle which I did in 2013.
It’s been a mixed bag of joyful experiences, unforeseen problems, wonderful observations and horrible behaviours, to mention just a few aspects.
The timing of finding this post is remarkable as I write to you opposite Tokyo cancer center having a few weeks ago been diagnosed with a item of concern. We have a Japanese Testimonial which offers some protection and wills for my home country which I am confident will not be executed since I will win this health battle, but this has been a timely reminder I further seek best legal advice and act swiftly not underestimating even the most far fetched scenario.
Regarding some previous comments. Be aware in Japan the risk of possible defamation when considering posting things to social media.
My best wishes, hope your travel home inspires you and perhaps leads you away from Japan but note risk to lose your Residency now if you fail to return in 12 months or a number of other reasons such as card expiry outside country and other horrible stories you can view on support groups.
Regards, Warren
Lee says
Thanks a lot, Warren, and very nice to hear I played a small part in your decision to explore photography more.
Really sorry to hear about your cancer concern. But yes, I’m sure you will beat it too. Akiko’s story was tragic, but far more end much more happily. Stay strong.
I’m really looking forward to my summer trip back to Britain. Seeing family will be a huge help, but back to Japan afterwards, so thankfully no visa worries. What the longer term future holds remains to be seen. Time to think about that now.
Thanks again and take care.
Adam says
Dang, your story just breaks my heart. As you said, hopefully this is the end of at least one horrible phase and you can move on a little more comfortable knowing this is somewhat behind you. I hope you enjoy your time in Britain and get some much needed relaxation and possibly distraction.
Lee says
Thank you very much. Yes, hopefully getting that out of the way will help. It won’t bring Akiko back, but it does allow me to slowly start and move forwards, and remember her properly. And thanks. Getting away and meeting my family again after such a long time will be hugely beneficial I’m sure.
UG says
Sorry about your ordeal Lee. Thankfully, nothing lasts forever–both the bad and good. There are good and bad people everywhere and not just in Japan. Look at what’s transpired in Ukraine, the mass shootings in the US, etc. Here in Japan, I have heard of numerous instances where the Japanese parents have given property and financially helped the couple (Japanese wife, non-Japanese husband) build their house….quite unthinkable in the US, much less elsewhere. We owe it to ourselves to evaluate our relationships one person at a time, avoiding generalizations and labeling, to live as authentic a life that we can muster.
Lee says
Thank you very much. And that’s so true. Definitely something I need to remember as I try and move forward. I was naive, yes, but at the same time I don’t want to go through the rest of my life horribly cynical and trusting absolutely no one. That wouldn’t be much of a life at all.
Kouichi says
A belated comment for sure, but it’s only every so often that I get to your site for a refreshing change of scenery. It’s been a year or so that I’ve followed your photography and life journeys, and was quite shocked and saddened to hear of these circumstances. As a half Japanese-American, I have had some complicated ups and downs over the years with regards to Japan and my own identity and aspirations. It is coincidental that your graciously shared your ordeal just as I returned to Tokyo last week for graduate school. It’s taking some time to re-acclimate, and I will keep your raw story in mind as I try to make my own way in Tokyo and the world. But I do look forward to your catches wandering the backstreets – the rural content is wonderful too. Best wishes as you go forward – no chance I’ll run into you among the 37 million as I take my own back alley detours.
Lee says
Thank you very much. Glad you like my take on Tokyo, and Japan in general as well.
I can imagine it hasn’t always been easy. Must be quite a shock returning too, although I’m sure you’ll quickly settle in. There’ll no doubt be lots of frustrations, but that’s true of wherever we choose to live, isn’t it?
You never know. I’ve bumped into people more times than I’d expect, so if you do, be sure to say hello.
Solveig says
Good grief Lee!
I’ve heard snippets here and there about the treatment given to some ‘foreigners’, but never, ever to that extent. I cannot fathom how anyone could do that (and I’m happy for that fact – being in that headspace must be awful).
Fingers crossed you have minimal interactions with them in the future.
Enjoy your time in England!
Lee says
Yeah, it was all pretty shocking to say the very least. The last thing I expected, not to mention needed.
Thanks a lot. That’s definitely my hope as well. And cheers. Heading back to Britain for a while is just what I need.
Another Lee says
Lee,
Sorry to hear about the passing of your wife and partner in life. At a time of grief having to put up with greedy and scheming relatives was an extra burden and added to you sadness.
We had a similar situation when my wife’s father died in regards to the inheritance she was supposed to receive.
Her situation was complicated by the fact that we live overseas and had no ability to be directly involved in the matter. All the paperwork was in Japan along with the seals, the real estate, the family owned company, bank accounts, shares, and of course the cash.
She was basically written out of the will (we think the other family members got together and changed it) and we were given a very small token payment in return for “agreeing” to the outcome.
Just the value of real estate that she should have received was around $1 million at the time. The other assets well, we had a general idea about some of them, but it would have just been guessing about the rest.
We thought about hiring a lawyer and going that route, but given the circumstances and the costs involved without any certainty as to the outcome, we decided against. We would have more than likely lost and ended up spending a lot money for nothing. It would have been extremely time consuming and quite costly.
Since her father died we have been to Japan a number of times, but have never visited her family. I have had no contact with them at all since then and I haven’t spoken to any of them for well over 20 years. My wife said that after that happened she has “No home in Japan”. That pretty much says it all.
The inheritance would have resulted in a huge change in lifestyle for us and a much better life. It would have also come in really handy given the recent changes in our health………………..
It all seems like one of those TV dramas with people all fighting over who gets the old man’s money.
Lee says
Thanks a lot for the kind words, Lee, and I’m very sorry to hear you went through something similar. At times like those you really see people for what they are, don’t you. And that’s not a pretty sight at all.
Both our sets of awful in-laws would have been given a fair amount, but clearly that wasn’t enough for them. But how people knowingly go against a dead family members direct wishes I don’t know. Similarly I don’t know how they live with themselves afterwards. But I guess being the type of people who would do such a thing, guilt or shame isn’t much of an issue.
Along with what happened, I’m also sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope you are doing as ok as it’s possible to be.
Take care of yourself, and thanks again for the kind words.
Doug says
Jesus fucking Christ, I can’t believe what I just read. My heart rate is pounding. Absolutely disgusting behavior towards you. I’m speechless..