Tokyo Times

Photographs from a small group of islands

Odd

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Lavatory linguists

The incredible commitment shown to ‘the company’ by the average salary man, resulting in long hours, regular drinks with the boss and minimal holidays, can have numerous consequences. Death from overwork (karoushi) is by far the most extreme, but there are also problems such as marital breakdown and mental health issues. And with such little time for anything other than work, the internationally minded minion also has very few chances to brush up on his English.

Yet thanks to an imaginative manufacturer, even the busiest of businessmen will now be able to manage at least five minutes of English study a day. As at the same time they are squeezing out, they’ll be able to squeeze in a bit of practice with this tutoring toilet paper.

japanese toilet roll

The section displayed even topically targets toilet related matters, with 1. Where is the rest room, and 5. It is a diarrhea feeling, being potentially very useful indeed.

(click image for larger loo roll)

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Closet coverage

The school athletic meeting he’d been sent to cover was presumably far from fascinating for Naoki Watanabe, as instead of writing about race winners and stellar performances, the 29-year-old journalist hid in the toilet and attempted to secure some rather more salacious scoops.

Quite how Watanabe-san intended to incorporate this clandestine coverage into his final story will never be known, as the roving reporter was caught before he could get that far — a tip-off from a parent resulting in his arrest; although not before the 29-year-old had managed to film two women in an adjoining cubicle.

Thoroughly disgusted with its employees actions, the newspaper confirmed punitive measure will be taken against the young reporter, a company official kindly supplying other publications with an unintentionally pun-based proclamation by saying, “After getting to the bottom of the incident, we’ll take strict measures against him.”

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Marvelous melons

Getting to grips with a pair of big and juicy melons is a thought that consumes many people’s minds, yet few of us, it has to be said, go as far as Kaijo Suzuki for the chance to slaver and slurp on some fleshy fruit.

Smashing the previous record set last year, Suzuki-san paid a staggering 800,000 yen (3,800 pound) at an auction on Wednesday for two famously expensive Yubari melons. The 53-year-old wholesaler drooling, “I wanted to tell my customers that Hokkaido’s tasty season will begin.”

Officials at JA Yubarashi, an agricultural cooperative where the auction took place, promised to keep the media abreast with any further developments.

big melons

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Feline felony?

Clearing out an apartment after a tenant had been evicted, the unfortunate real estate employee assigned to the task stumbled upon rather more than a few bits of discarded underwear and some unwashed dishes — the bodies of 100 or so dead cats.

The woman who was forced out from the second floor apartment in March for not paying her rent is said to have kept stray cats there — presumably of the live variety — but the dead ones were found in plastic bags stored in either drawers or cardboard boxes; although whether the animals died naturally on the premises, were brought in inanimate, or were actually killed there isn’t clear.

The latter is arguably the least likely though, as the financially strapped feline fanatic had lovingly written the cats’ names on each bag.

Which was a nice touch.

I suppose.

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Bear blaster

Confetti throwing may still be popular, but for Japanese brides, the bouquet toss appears to be old hat, with many couples now opting to inexplicably throw a teddy bear instead; a trend that paint company Sunamiya is hoping to exploit, the Ehime Prefecture based firm coming up with a bear blaster of sorts.

bear shooter

The gun-shaped device ingeniously allows blushing brides to effortlessly launch terrified teddy bears high into the air, and so as not to injure unsuspecting guests, the bears are equipped with parachutes, allowing them to gently descend to the presumably awestruck throng below. Such technological advancements making the company confident of success, a spokesperson proclaiming, “We’re hoping to capture the hearts of couples.”

For less romantic newlyweds however, Sunamiya’s criminal catching paintball marker could be more appropriate, a few well aimed shots at interfering relatives or lecherous uncles potentially providing far more entertainment.

paintball

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Panty plunder

Japanese women are often reluctant to live on the ground (first) floor of an apartment building due to the supposed danger of underwear theft. In fact, so often is this alleged threat mentioned, that one can almost imagine huge packs of lingerie lovers roaming the streets in search of unattended underclothes.

Yet as absurd as that sounds, it may not be too far from the truth; however instead of gangs, the perpetrators may be lone individuals blessed with prodigious plundering capabilities — Hideki Aoki being a prime example.

The 50-year-old’s panty pinching prowess came to light on April 11, when he was busted for illegally entering a woman’s apartment in Nagoya; a heist that bagged him an incredible 67 undergarments. Yet such greed worsened his predicament, as the arresting officers decided to investigate Aoki further, and the search of a garage listed as his work place unearthed a staggering 1,700 pieces of underwear. The fruits of his labour lovingly laid out by the police and then photographed for good measure.

stolen underwear

Under questioning, Aoki-san admitted to the allegations, telling the police, “I was responsible for around 250 incidents from 1990.” Later attempting to explain his behaviour — and at the same time providing an unsurpassable punchline — by adding, “I haven’t been able to talk to girls since I was a student, so I became interested in underwear.”