Whale warning?

In a stunning breakthrough, a group of Japanese researchers from Tokai University have managed to train a beluga whale to ‘speak’; the cetacean in question managing to link its own sounds to specific objects — cleverly creating ‘words’.

An incredible achievement that has prompted Takashi Murayama, a professor involved in the programme, to proudly pronounce, “We’ve experienced a taste of reality in conversation with cetaceans. In the future, we may be able to exchange greetings with them.”

However, rumours that things have already gone way beyond simple salutations, with the beluga allegedly asking, “When are you going to stop hunting my fellow whales as everybody knows your claims of ‘scientific research’ are utter claptrap?”, have been strenuously denied.